Today I will talk about pain.
Today I feel it in the small of my back. A result of swimming too far with a false belief that I could compete the invisible advisory always one length ahead of me.
Two months ago, the pain was in my chest. Two months ago, the medicine I took today would have done nothing to ease how I felt when she said goodbye. It was not sudden, not a sharp sting like the pricks of needles. Instead it was slow, draining. I felt it in the moments of great beauty, those that I wanted to share with someone I felt shared that same trait.
All pain is distracting. It acts out, determined to have you pay attention, tied to your body, mind, or both.
So we limp when it is in our legs, wince when it is in our heads, and shun others gaze when it is in our hearts.
Today the pain is probing me. Interrogating my integrity. Asking how much grit I have to ignore its constant gnaw against my back. An antagonist to the completion of my goals for the day, whispering, “slow down, don’t push it, take it easy, tomorrow is better then today.”
How terrifying it is to see pain as a crutch to not be bold and determined. To be fearful of possibilites solely expressed by the extent of my imagination.
Today I am determined to place my pain in the shadow behind me, seen only in the light that I cast and goals that I achieve.